Online edition of India's National Newspaper
Thursday, Dec 08, 2005

Metro Plus Chennai

Better your bond
Getting a romantic relationship to last
needs some effort. Here are some tips

POWER OF TOGETHERNESS Small acts of love
a long way in sustaining a relationship
Let's face it. Falling in love is all too easy. Staying in love,
 however, isn't. Like all other relationships, a romantic
relationship too is vulnerable to the pulls and
pressures of day-to-day life. However, if both partners
are clear about the ties that bind them together, and
determined not to let the days of wine and roses fade,
 then, love only gets better and stronger with every
passing year. Some work is called for though in
maintaining the relationship. So read on, absorb the
 points and then... get to work!

Get to know your partner. This may sound facetious
but not many of us know our partner that well.
Observe, study, make note of all he/she says, does
, likes and dislikes. Get a clear picture of the person
your partner is. The amount of time you spend on
 this endeavour will serve you well for all the years
of your life with him/her.

Don't expect him/her to be what he/she just
cannot be. So many couples enter relationships
 with unreal, almost scary, expectations. The man
 hopes to mould the woman to suit his image of the
 ideal woman; the woman thinks she has a good
chance of getting him to drop his "bad habits."
Well, this is akin to wishing for the moon. If you
accept your partner for the person he/she is,
 you will come to like, even love his/her foibles
 and eccentricities.

Positive approach
Praise your partner in public often enough. A little
verbal praise, a little gesture of affection will go a
 long way in making your partner feel on top of the
 world and cementing your ties.

Crib about your partner yes, but only to your
partner. A litany of your partner's sins of
omission and commission to all and sundry
may make you feel better but won't help matters
in the long run. On the contrary, you'll just have
provided more grist to the gossip mill. Pick your
 time and sit your partner down, relate your
grievances and look for positive solutions.
Remember, repetitive complaining soon
loses its effect. List your biggest grievances
and just forget about the smaller ones. You took
 your partner warts and all; now learn to live
with those warts.

Fight fair
Delete all those hurtful comments from your armoury
before you utter them. Don't accuse or blame, state
the problem and say you mean to work on a solution
 in a mature manner. The best tip of them all: in the
 midst of a big row, just grin and say, "Oh, forget it!"

Don't go there. There are certain areas which a couple
must avoid for the sake of the relationship. Don't
disparage each other's families, career graph,
intelligence, his baldness, her weight issue and
taste in clothes. Some of these are issues you
just have to put up with, others are too trivial to
 take serious notice of, in a short life. So, get real.

Do things for each other. We aren't talking of
grand and expensive gestures and gifts here, just
 small acts of love that come from the heart.
Gestures that will move your partner and bring
the roses back to your relationship. Feed each
 other by hand. Give each other a neck rub.
Buy a book that you think will interest your partner.
 Take over some chore usually done by your
partner. Call his/her friends and arrange a surprise
 `no occasion' dinner party.

Laugh a lot
Do things together. Never underestimate the power
 of togetherness. Go for a jog or a walk together.
Cook dinner together. Go see a film and then,
discuss the merits of the film over dinner. Join the
 neighbourhood gym as a couple. Laugh... a lot...
 with each other, at each other.

Stay apart for a while. This doesn't mean that you
 move out. Just find things to do by yourself and
 do them, all the while relishing your solitude. Both
 your partner and you need your private space,
respect that. You know the saying "Get a life?" Well,
 get it!

Predictability is okay. Couples often rue the end
 of adventure and excitement in a relationship.
Well, there's something good about stability and
 predictability in love. It's a way of declaring to
 the world that you are a couple, bound by the
magical threads of love. Feel good about the
pattern formed, the routine set by your lives
together, they are signs of a strong bond.
And then, anytime predictability gets boring,
 you can always inject some excitement back
 into your lives.

Admiring someone is okay, too. We are but
 human and admiring other men and women
is a very human thing to do. So don't come
over all green with jealousy; instead, be
 secure enough in your love, your relationship,
 to agree with your partner about someone
else's appeal. Fidelity is in the heart, not in the eyes.


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